Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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