I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
