It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
