her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
