im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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