Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
