The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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