oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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