It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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