You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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