And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
