anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
