dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize