last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
