I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize