Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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