I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
