she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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