I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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