neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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