So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
