From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize