There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
