think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
