I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize