That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
