This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
