Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize