just come out here and I will go home with you...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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