Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
