You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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