dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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