i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
