In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
