I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
