God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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