did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
