Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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