So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
