I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
