I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
