Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
