Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize