summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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