Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
