I faked an abortion last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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