Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
honey bunches of taint.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
