My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
