I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
