dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
