eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
