dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize