i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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