dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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