your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
