I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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