dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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