It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
