If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
