I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
please come you make the beer taste better
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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