So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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