Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
