R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
