Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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