so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i drank out of a bidet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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