____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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