I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
