Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
