put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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