but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
