All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
smell my finger.
two words: eviction party
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
