I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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