if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
