pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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