i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
