I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize