Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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