if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
