Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
