So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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