omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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