I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
