sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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