I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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