can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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