Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
