How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
