This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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