careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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