I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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