I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
