Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
