His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
