just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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