Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
